The Crazy Mayor of Castlemaine

In the days before the Mayor got hit by a car, Castlemaine had little any interest in council meetings. In fact, the only people who attended regularly were the seven councillors, the chief executive of the shire, and the Mayor’s mum. Then the Mayor got hit by a car - he was thrown into the air and bumped his head on the way down.

He wasn’t very hurt by the accident, but he was shaken and pretty mad. At the next council meeting he declared, “It’s getting so a person can’t walk across the street without being worried about being hit by a car. Something must be done!”

“What do you want to do?” asked the other councillors. “Slow down the traffic even more?”

“No, bugger that!” grumbled the Mayor. “Let’s get rid of cars altogether from Castlemaine! Cars do nothing for people but make them fat, lazy and unfriendly!”

Three of the councillors were business people who used cars to make deliveries and to visit customers. “You’re mad!”, they said. “Impossible!” But the Castlemaine council was a funny council, and when half the councillors were very certain, the others were just as certain that their colleagues were wrong. So the three other councillors were inclined to look at the benefits of this very original idea.

“The idea is quite environmentally friendly, isn’t it?” ventured one woman.

“Yes!” said the Mayor. “Castlemaine would once again become a haven for wildlife!”

“More tourists will come, won’t they?” queried another of the councillors.

“Absolutely!” said the Mayor. “Imagine the advertising: ‘Come to Castlemaine - A place where nobody drives because we’re too busy smiling!’”

The Mayor’s mother shifted restlessly in her seat. She said, “Now dear, you know I’m very proud of you but don’t you think this idea is a bit strange?”

“Mum, I’m sick of you telling me how to run my life!” said the Mayor, who was now red-faced and in his fifties. He turned to the others - OK, I propose we ban cars from Castlemaine - raise your hands if you’re in favour!” He put up his hand, as did two others.

“I’m still not sure.” said a third.

“If you vote for this, you can be Mayor next year!” said this year’s Mayor.

“OK” said the third, putting up his hand.

“Carried!” proclaimed the Mayor. “Let’s get this in writing and I’ll tell the newspapers.”

The next day the town was abuzz with the news. Most people of course didn’t believe it, and would remain skeptical until they saw, with their own eyes, people being arrested for driving their cars.

Of course there were complaints, and threats to run over council workers, but it did not change the mind of the Mayor. People approached him in the street and called him “dickhead”, but he was not concerned. “Let’s just see what happens” he assured.

And what did happen?

Well actually it worked very well. People who didn’t need to travel regularly to other towns sold their cars and saved a fortune in petrol and running costs.

A lot of people bought bicycles which they found quite pleasant once you got used to the hills. A shuttle bus, more of a tram really, traveled constantly around town picking people up and dropping them off. You were always bumping into people you knew on the shuttle bus.

People were healthier, and indeed they did smile more.

The tourists came in droves, thinking: “Why pay a fortune to go Venice when a town without cars is a stone’s throw from Melbourne?”

Not everyone benefited, of course. One fellow had a heart attack walking up the Urquhart St hill. “Not to worry,” said the doctor who examined the body. “He was going to die anyway.”

A year after the ban on cars, there was another council meeting. And, of course, there was a new Mayor.

The new Mayor opened proceedings by saying, “Well this past year has been most interesting! And what have we learnt?”

“That democracy doesn’t work!” said one of the businessmen, still bitter from having to ride his bicycle everywhere, pulling a trailer full of equipment.

“That the craziest bastards can have good ideas,” said another.

Others followed, but the final word was left to the old Mayor. “I think,” he said. “You can be proudest when you get people to do something they had never thought of - and see them enjoy it.”

The councillors paused to consider this and reflect on how much richer the peoples’ lives had been for having had a crazy Mayor.

Copyright © 2004